family
My Mother's Kindness
My mother, around 1964
My mother, Rita, was born in 1944 to Clifford and Ruth Pence — the youngest of four and the last of them still living. She was always close to her three older brothers, Paul, Don, and Troy. Paul, the oldest, died in 2024.
She grew up in Campbell’s Creek, West Virginia. Her father was a coal miner and her mother a homemaker, and the family didn’t have electricity until she was in middle school. Despite their limited means, she describes the family as “wealthy” — rich in love for each other and faith in God. She was a good student and enjoyed growing up in West Virginia. When she was a 17-year-old senior in high school, the family relocated to Michigan. That was a major adjustment for her.
She earned a bachelor’s degree in education at Michigan State University and had an exemplary career as a high school English teacher. At Bath High School she sponsored several senior trips and led the drama program, and she was listed in Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers. Decades after she retired, former students still call and visit her.
She met Jerry Spriggs and they married in 1969. She raised two boys, my brother Matt and me. She was wonderfully patient and kind with us, and she sacrificed for our family in more ways than I understood at the time. I had health problems as a baby and a young child, and she wouldn’t leave the hospital until I was discharged — often sitting up in a chair beside my bed all night. She made sure Matt and I felt loved and celebrated on our birthdays, at school events, and at every other milestone.
She was meticulous about remembering birthdays and anniversaries, and not only for family. She kept shelves of greeting cards for every occasion, along with her mailing lists. Sending cards and gifts was nearly a full-time job. Even after Matt and I were grown, her love for babies and small children never faded. Several neighbors thought of her as a surrogate grandmother, and she kept sending them cards for years.
My mother in her kitchen
My mother is remarkably intuitive and empathic, and unusually gifted at encouraging people. Julie and I lived with my parents for a few years after we married in 1996, and Julie came to know her well in that time.
In 2021, my mother began a serious health decline. It has been very hard on her, but I still see her kind heart in our time together. Over the past few years she has lost the ability to send cards and to keep track of the dates that mattered so much to her. I imagine a lot of people have noticed, and miss hearing from her.
I work in the mental health field, and I find it deeply fulfilling to help people work through what’s hurting them. Julie once told me I inherited my mother’s emotional sensitivity. I took that as a high compliment — I am very proud of my mother’s kind and giving heart.
I am sure that much of my best work with patients traces back to her. In a real way, I think of her as present in it — and I doubt I’m the only one who feels that. Her health has interrupted the cards and the calls, but not the kindness behind them. That is still going, carried now by the people who received it.
My mother and me
A Summer Worth Remembering
Mother’s Day 2026
The summer of 2026 went by quickly. It was a hot one here in North Carolina, and Julie felt it far more than I did — she’s outside for most of her day delivering the mail, so a high number on the thermometer isn’t an abstraction for her the way it is for the rest of us. What I’ll remember about this summer, though, isn’t the heat. It’s the people we spent it with.
We’re grateful for the time we had with my parents. Amanda and Emily were both able to join us for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and having all of us together twice in six weeks is not something I take for granted anymore.
Father’s Day 2026
Julie and I never celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. That was 2021, and I spent much of that year working through one health problem after another, including several hospitalizations. By the time the day came around, marking it was the last thing on either of our minds. It’s a small loss next to being that sick, but it stayed with me.
So the 30th, on July 27th of this year, meant more than the number suggests. We didn’t travel anywhere. We ate some good meals, spent a day at the Greensboro Science Center, and took a week of vacation to rest and enjoy each other. After thirty years, that turned out to be exactly right.
The zoo there was an afternoon of standing in front of one enclosure after another. We happened to catch the penguins at feeding time, spent a long while with the tigers, and both came away talking about the pygmy hippo.
Our anniversary dinner — July 27, 2026
The centerpiece was dinner at Ryan’s Restaurant in Winston-Salem. Julie ordered the New York strip and I had the filet. Both were cooked exactly the way we asked for them and unusually flavorful — it may be the tastiest meal I can remember eating. The atmosphere was perfect for a romantic evening. It was an expensive dinner, but well worth it, and the manager brought us a free dessert and a $25 gift card when he learned it was our first visit and our anniversary.
We ate at Milner’s American Southern that week too. The food didn’t quite reach Ryan’s, but it was excellent, and the highlight was the live jazz. A good meal with Julie and jazz playing in the room is close to my idea of a perfect evening.
Jerry and Rita — 57 years of marriage
In August, my mom and dad celebrated 57 years of marriage. Fifty-seven years. Julie and I aren’t quite through our first thirty, and the further we go, the better I understand what a number like that actually costs and what it’s worth. They are wonderful parents, and I’m grateful for the time we have together.
Emily, Dave, Julie, Amanda, and Will at Amanda’s baby shower — August 22, 2026
And the best news of the summer: Amanda and Will are expecting. The baby is due in December, and both Amanda and the baby are healthy. This will be our first grandchild.
A hot summer, and a full one. I don’t expect the fall to be quiet.
Dad's Surgery
Pre-Surgery
My dad had knee replacement surgery on 4-29-2026. My dad, my wife Julie, and I arrived at the hospital at 11:00 AM. His pastor and two other men from his church came and prayed for him while he waited to get checked in.
I went back with him for the preparation at about 11:30. Julie gave him a hug before he went back. Only one family member can go to the preparation area. He met the medical team and they prepared him for surgery.
Surgery
His surgery began at approximately 2:00 PM. They estimated that he would be out of surgery and awake by approximately 5:00 PM, and I would be able to see him about 20 minutes after he was brought into his room. At that point, he could have additional visitors.
His medical team told him that there is a good chance he will be able to go home today. He is hopeful he will be able to go home tonight. He is prepared to stay if needed. I will stay at the hospital until we know if he will be going home or spending the night at the hospital.
Post-Surgery
I have taken two weeks off from work to help my mom and dad while he recovers. His knee problems have been difficult for him. I am hopeful the surgery will be a big improvement to his quality of life.
The surgeon called me a few minutes after 3:00 PM. He told me that the surgery was successful. My dad will need some time to recover. I will probably be able to see him at approximately 5:00 PM.
My dad spent the night at the hospital. He was able to go home on Thursday. He is in pain and very tired, but optimistic that the surgery will help him. A physical therapist will be coming to our home for him to start his therapy in the next few days.